Boomer Humor Doomergod

Welcome back and thanks for all the fish

That statistic is specist

Humans kill billions, maybe trillions, of other animals and millions of their own every year.

Mosquitos need to get on our level.

Both of those require interacting with people in real life, which I avoid because humans are the most dangerous animals on the planet

So my plan of “if only people would go away” is a no-go?

Anecdotally: I gained 50 pounds when my fiancé moved in, because like another comment said I stopped skipping meals like I did when I lived alone.

At one point with my kids I’d just skip my normal dinner and eat the Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets they didn’t.

The music festival starts when there’s enough people awake to run the sound gear.

It goes until they fall asleep.

It repeats until no one is available to work.

The human concept of time is forgotten.

I’d start on an automatic and then learn manual once you’ve got some practice with how to handle a car in traffic.

If you can find one try learning manual on a truck. They’ve got heavier parts which will put up with your mistakes a lot better than a car.

Especially this Monday, which is the mondayest Monday because it got to you an hour earlier than you expected.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable.

That sounds idyllic

Or buy 13 separate plots of land and move your hovel every other fortnight.

Still need to buy the land your hovel is on though

Take the trigger off and whack the valve real hard, like you dropped it off a shelf. Spray foam will get everywhere and it’s impossible to stop.

Ask me how I know.

Mine would say what a weird nerd I am if anyone understood the references

Very much not. For example the movie “Master & Commander” is based on a book but skips a lot of stuff.

That would require the democrats to actually do something

“Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the best doctor to daredevil ratios in the world!”